1/30 - April Fools

The beginning of the year,
So full of promise and hope,
That things will get better,

And still yet,
A reminder,
That some things can't,

Every year a cloud follows the fireworks into my life,
And every year I can't help but live in a land of hypotheticals,
A few months filled with,
What-ifs, Whys, and What happeneds?

I dance around it often in writing,
I am a twin,
My sister died before birth,
The weird part is I hate metaphor dancing around the truth,
But some things are too squishy and soft,
Take lifetimes to heal and even then remain tender,

I am still wired to have a constant companion with full understanding,
If you see me in a room full of friends and family and I am alone,
Don't worry,
I'm just practicing with supervision,
For the times when no one is around,
It gets much harder,
Things get a lot quieter and darker,
Those mock runs help me with the real ones,
So I don't do anything stupid,

Kurt Cobain was found dead on my birthday,
My dad never came home from work,
My 6 year old self and I still can't forgive them for it,
Kurt or my dad,

I don't do anything stupid thanks to that,
Because I don't want to be responsible for taking someone away from someone either,

I like my birthday,
I like April in general,
But the clouds roll in January 1st,
And they don't leave until at least April 9th,
After my birthday,

People always say they like the endings to my poems,

Sometimes they just end.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Lonely Hearts

My friend asked me, If you had three hearts like an octopus What would you do? I only have one heart, And most days, It feels like it has left me, To go and have a good time without me, I write postcards to the anti-life, In hopes that she will hear me, Let me know she is okay, And that I am not as alone as I feel, If I had another heart, She would be here, That phone ringing inside my chest, Would have an answer on the other side, If I had a third heart, I would be a mutant, And mutants are the future, Erin, I would be the future, If I had three hearts like an Octopus, But I don't, I don't even have the 2 I'm supposed to, It's cold and sad without her, It's less cold and sad with someone, Anyone, To hold at night, Which is why it's always harder, When I decide to go back out into the cold, Alone, Like I've always been, There are two times I am cold when I step outside, Immediately after leaving the warmth of inside, And
Read more

Where my Brain Goes at the End of the Day

Where my Brain Goes at the End of the Day At first there was space and time, And then there was Einstein, Now, he theorized Spacetime, You’re not even ready for this, It’s scientific bliss, And religions, they’re gonna be pissed, Spacetime works a little bit like a loaf of bread, Picture one in your head, Now cut a slice, Any way you want it, Forget it, I can’t explain this like this, So instead my crazy mixed up romantic brain gives it a twist, Pretend there’s me, riding on my bike at a really fast speed, And then there’s you, future lover, In your car, or spaceship, or riding your dinosaur, We’re going very fast in our respective transports, In opposite directions, Therefore your watch is going a bit slower than mine, Mine is faster than yours, What does this really amount to in layman’s terms? Simple, we haven’t met, yet Or already did, Or Schrodinger’s cat is shifting between our houses, But the point here is, some day, You and I will be going the sam
Read more

Fuck You Lucy

Untitled 4/06/09 She was the kind of girl that took life at face value, taking high school, college and the future as everyone told her to, She was the kind of girl who grew up knowing she would get three houses when her family was gone, As if somehow those three homes could replace the smiles, love and laughter of the people that once lived in them, She was the kind of girl who taught me something I now value very much, I have never been one of those people, and thankfully never will be, I grew up in a household where the only things inherited are the ability to love and cherish each other, Keep going no matter what happens to you, and above all else do what you love no matter what the cost, These are the answers to everything I know, I am not one of those people who takes all of that shit at face value, I was raised to think for myself and to constantly ask my favorite three letter word, Why? Why should I go to college? Why should I finish high school with straight
Read more