Danger: Words may be larger than they appear.

Stop looking, You won't find me there anymore, I gave up on that, Giving up on the past takes a lot longer than you'd expect, Now I'm trying to drink it all in, To fill up the hole that has been there since I noticed it, Drink it all up, Cough back out the fire and lightning that won't settle, Keep your head on as straight as it will go, Keep trying, Trying to live the way the stream is pushing, But I still don't flow right, There's still no slow night, There's still a twist in my fins, Still a popping sound where there should be pumping, Things are loose in there, Awkward like a thrift store teapot, If you're going to reach in, The way you are, Be careful, Because I still haven't figured out the directions, And I wouldn't want you to lose anything you cared for, Feel free to try something out, But be careful, I don't want to cut you with the things I've kept in there, I've done my best to let them go, B

Most days the wind blows cold through my chest, With a gloomy howl you find in movies, Especially this time of year, The time of year I'm reminded, Of the can-string telephone we never got to make, The allergies kick up physically and emotionally, I know I'm supposed to celebrate and be happy, But it's hard to live without pieces of you, That you never knew, I want to say I'm on to something new, I want to say I'm finding ways to handle it, I want to say a lot, Like usual, The words come on too fast for me to control, Too much for me to not feel like a fool, Grasping for something that makes sense In a place I have long been confused with, So I keep my mouth shut this time, Fear of losing what I've got already, What little balance has been achieved, I'm afraid to take a step in any direction, The water here is warmer than I'm used to, And for now, That's all I really need, Until the wind dies down a little, Or the ho