Danger: Words may be larger than they appear.

She says to me, The last few weeks have been hard, Don't I know it, For her it's all schoolwork and futures, For me, it's all work and futures, The truth is it's mostly the same between us, The doubts get too loud, The confidence gets turned down against the mountain in front of us, We're both staring at it like it all has to happen now, So I smile to myself, And I tell her, You've got it, You've always got it, You just forget sometimes, I tell her this so easily, I tell it to her, I tell her this because I can't tell myself, When my hands shake, My heart rumbles like a loading dock, With a truck coming in, When I'm on stage, And my legs won't, Stop, Trembling, Yet somehow none of you ever see it, So I'm just gonna stand here, Looking like I'm okay, Polishing my shield, Sharpening my pen, And quietly telling myself, You've got this, You've always got it, You just forget sometimes.

Where my Brain Goes at the End of the Day At first there was space and time, And then there was Einstein, Now, he theorized Spacetime, You’re not even ready for this, It’s scientific bliss, And religions, they’re gonna be pissed, Spacetime works a little bit like a loaf of bread, Picture one in your head, Now cut a slice, Any way you want it, Forget it, I can’t explain this like this, So instead my crazy mixed up romantic brain gives it a twist, Pretend there’s me, riding on my bike at a really fast speed, And then there’s you, future lover, In your car, or spaceship, or riding your dinosaur, We’re going very fast in our respective transports, In opposite directions, Therefore your watch is going a bit slower than mine, Mine is faster than yours, What does this really amount to in layman’s terms? Simple, we haven’t met, yet Or already did, Or Schrodinger’s cat is shifting between our houses, But the point here is, some day, You and I will be going the sam

Me and my stupid fucking words, I brag about how I understand them, But somehow I manage to fuck them up whenever I really need them, I don't write enough, I talk too damn much, And I don't really DO anything, Every time I've wanted them to come out right, They fall flat, And every time I'm using them for someone else's benefit they work, Which explains my selfless nature to me, Only lately its a lot less about everyone else, Because I'm fucking tired of me, The skin I'm in is itchy for change, inside and out But I'm too fucking exhausted to deal with working on myself, Fuck Home Depot.

Some days I wake up as the chalk outline of the man I was yesterday, The kind of days where you get phone calls that the father that abandoned you is moving home, And he thinks everything is okay between you two because you picked up the phone the last one of five times he's called, Those were spread across 2 years, The kind of day where every mistake you've ever made with women feels heavier than normal, The kind of day where I notice, The walls I used to keep in my head, The ones that protected my heart from the thoughts up there I didn't like, Have suddenly switch-a-roo'd their way to my heart, They're holding in my fears in a place where I can feel them, They make me want to run, From myself, The kind of day that makes you itch for the rain, As if it were some kind of absolution, So I start at a run, Down the street, Across the city, And on into the unknown because it sounds nicer than being here, Stuck in my head with walls a

When we were kids the monsters were in our closets, Under our beds, And outside by the window, When you grow up the monsters showed up elsewhere, Inside you, Some of us built our monsters, Some of us invited ours in to clear out something else, Most of us can't get rid of them easily, I think we had it right when we were children, The monsters are still out there, The only difference is we told ourselves that we're the closet, Or we're under the bed.

You should probably know, That the last one, Left me like a black hole, Black holes are just the universe gasping for light, So for the last two years, I've gone on a tirade, Grabbing all the light I can, I already feel like we're two binary stars, That orbit each other, Floating in our spaces, Not sure where we fit, But we're gonna get there, And when we do, Goddamn we're gonna shine, I'm excited for the day, The day we crash together, I've got this funny feeling, That with our interests, Our christmas lists, Are probably mirror images of each other, You're definitely something, Since you can make me grin like an idiot on command, From two cities away, Through cell phones, And the time we've spent together was insane, With the screaming, and the shouting, And the robots, Relax everyone, It was a robotics competition, And that shit get's crazy, I don't know what it all is yet, But I haven't ever been as

I want to take it all back, All the lawnmowers I sold, All the jokes I cracked, That lunch I hastily put together, All those things with that girl, Even though she made me smile, Even after hearing the news about you, It's the first death that's been close to me. And some would argue, Self included, That he wasn't all that close, But it hit me hard, And it fucked up my day, The day I was trying not to let win, But nothing brings back a friend, Even one you only hung out with by proxy, We all miss you Spike, Friend by proxy or whatever, The world is a little bit colder today, Without you.

Stop looking, You won't find me there anymore, I gave up on that, Giving up on the past takes a lot longer than you'd expect, Now I'm trying to drink it all in, To fill up the hole that has been there since I noticed it, Drink it all up, Cough back out the fire and lightning that won't settle, Keep your head on as straight as it will go, Keep trying, Trying to live the way the stream is pushing, But I still don't flow right, There's still no slow night, There's still a twist in my fins, Still a popping sound where there should be pumping, Things are loose in there, Awkward like a thrift store teapot, If you're going to reach in, The way you are, Be careful, Because I still haven't figured out the directions, And I wouldn't want you to lose anything you cared for, Feel free to try something out, But be careful, I don't want to cut you with the things I've kept in there, I've done my best to let them go, B

Most days the wind blows cold through my chest, With a gloomy howl you find in movies, Especially this time of year, The time of year I'm reminded, Of the can-string telephone we never got to make, The allergies kick up physically and emotionally, I know I'm supposed to celebrate and be happy, But it's hard to live without pieces of you, That you never knew, I want to say I'm on to something new, I want to say I'm finding ways to handle it, I want to say a lot, Like usual, The words come on too fast for me to control, Too much for me to not feel like a fool, Grasping for something that makes sense In a place I have long been confused with, So I keep my mouth shut this time, Fear of losing what I've got already, What little balance has been achieved, I'm afraid to take a step in any direction, The water here is warmer than I'm used to, And for now, That's all I really need, Until the wind dies down a little, Or the ho

My chest lies open most days, My heart rusts when it rains, Eyes permanently set to 'Record', Nose, running, like it's a marathon, My mouth is a hand grenade, Mom lost the pin praying for me to to be able to talk, 'Front toward enemy' should be on my forehead in black ink, Now I can't quit fragmenting myself, Like a high explosive martyr, I want to sleep more, Work less, Write more, There are too many days where I want to drop everything I have, In the name of everything I wish to be, And I can't decide on whether or not to push the button, If I do will I blast off or explode on the launchpad?