Drowning is Easy
I didn't realize the assignment, Was to let go, Then I refused it, Like so many assignments before it, I loved you like a panic attack, Gasping for breath, Assuming it was all I had, Not really understanding, I would live through this, I have since survived more panic attacks, Far worse ones than you, But I forgot to throw it all out, Your demands against my person, Lingered, I let them take over the rooms inside my head, Bury their way into my heart, When that isn't even what I wanted, Then, Or now, I'm undoing it, Finally, Opening myself up, With a crowbar, Excavating, Because I nailed it all down so hard, Allowed these expectations to become part of me, Nailed them in right next to the sign, Do Not Enter, That foolish boy, Thought you were the world, Because he hadn't seen anything else, It's been years, Allowing myself so little, Expecting the expectations to be expected, I let you in, Not understanding the rules, Not understanding my own agency, Not understandi