Fuckup

Fuckup,

He calls me fuckup,

How can he call me a fuckup?

Is this another one of his ways to make himself feel better about being a fuckup?

How can he call me a fuckup?

Drinking himself into a rut,
Smoking himself into stupidity,
He didn’t even graduate from high school,
I did,

How can he call me a fuckup?

Where the fuck does he get off tearing his own fucking son down like that?

Do you remember the day you realized your father wasn’t infallible?
I don’t know the day but I can tell you I was 8 years old,
By the time I was 10, I was disappointed and realized he would never change,
By 12 I felt more like his father,
At 16 I’m so fed up with it I dump the messy coffee table at his feet in an argument Because it’s like yelling at a fire alarm,
It can’t hear you, and it doesn’t care what you think,

How can he call me a fuckup?

He shrugs it off days later, like it was a joke, and after my mom called and told him to
Never talk to me that way again, he hung up on her,
I know he meant it, I know he feels bad about it,
But I don’t think he realizes he already has fucked me up,
But I will never be as much of a fuckup as him,

How can he call me a fuckup?

When he is a 45 year old man who works a radio job he can’t move up from,

How can he call me a fuck up?

When he drinks and smokes himself stupid every fucking night,
The worst part is when he called me a fuckup, I knew,
I knew he knew he was one, and I knew he didn’t care enough to fix it,
I want to hit him,
I want to tell him to sort his shit out and be a human fucking being,
But I can’t because he won’t hear it,
I’d hit him and he would become a fire alarm again,

He has tiny moments where he gleams with promise,
But then he drinks another beer,

He brings his son down,
When he should be glad I’m alive and still fucking talking to him,
Who’s a fuckup here dad?
Not me,
And you?
You’re not just a fuckup dad,
You’re fucked up.

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