FUCK YOU BIKE!

Wanted – $200 bike that is a giant piece of shit.
This is what the ad would have looked like,
If I had made one for my Christmas present from my mom,
It’s not her fault,
I still really appreciate the gift,
Just not its’ lack of function,

As of today, I have ridden my bike 5 times in 3 weeks,
And 4 of those times, it has popped a tube,
This,
Is bullshit,

If I wanted to be on the side of every fucking road,
Using patches that never fucking work,
I would be a pothole repair man!

About that,
Hey Mayor McGinn,
If you ride your bike to work every day,
Where do you ride?
Because all I get are streets with smooth open middles and fucked up shoulders,
Maybe it isn’t where, maybe it’s what you ride,
Where do I find a bike designed by German super-scientists leftover from Nazi germany?
Do I need a mayor’s salary to buy one?
Because I’m kind of fucking broke,
I could sell you this shitty bike,

When I got it I thought:
‘Yay! Now I can get places faster!’
The actual truth is:
‘Yay. Now I can drag this piece of fucked up shit with another flat back home and not go where I was planning.”

In conclusion, I am considering selling this thing to some sucker,
Or possibly melting it down and making some kind of cursed jewelry,
You know the kind hobbits take and throw in mountains,
Because all it does is fuck up their day.

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