(W)hole

Most days there is a hole where my heart rents space,
It doesn't live there too often,
Only in those warm moments when I smile,
And then it recedes again into some phantom zone in my body,

Most days I feel alone beyond repair,
Living a life where your brain is wired for another one of yourself,
Is harder than a diamond covered rubik's cube,

I'd like to think my heart is out there living the life it should,
But it keeps forgetting to invite me along,
Whole is a feeling I get when other people are smiling,
Hole is the other feeling I get when nothing is conspiring,

Most days I just want to be something,
To make myself feel like less of an empty space,
Of the two, I am here, and sometimes it feels like a waste,

Why me? Why not her, who made the decision?
Would I be more motivated, happy, accomplished if she were here?
I know why I'm clingy, I know why I'm sad,
How do you think you would feel with a twin you never had?

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