This just in...

Fuck you! It's January!

Where your insides itch, and it's too cold to run
Where you want to cuddle up in some warmth and make yourself feel better,

But fuck you, you're not built for that,
It doesn't stick, not like it should,

I haven't shaved in two weeks and I still don't have a beard,
He said, for the rest of forever,

There's a mountain of laundry back at my place,
But I'm here, Catsitting, for my wonderful ex-neighbors,

It's 10:44 PM and I was just reminded that my soul needs scratched,
Reminded that I want to find a way to get a q-tip in there,
If they're not for your ears they've gotta be for something right?

I get told to calm down a lot,
I don't really know how,

I'm stuck in always on,
I'm always performing,

I'm always angry,
Because I kicked and screamed my way into this place,

I kicked, and I screamed,
And I never really stopped

I'm still screaming,
All the time,

It's cold out here, and there's all this light,
And she's not here,

I can't feel her anymore,
Where did you take her?
Give her back,
I'll trade all of you for that,
In a heartbeat,

I know I felt something back there,
Everyone looks at me like I made it up,
Like it's not real,

And just like wrestling,
ITS REAL TO ME MOTHERFUCKERS,
And that's the only proof I need,
When it's tattooed on your eyelids,
So that every time you blink,
It's there,
Staring at you and reminding you that you don't belong here,
Not like this,
Not just you,

When I know my heartbeat is supposed to rhyme in time,
I can feel that down in my bones,
The truth of it,
All the way down to the marrow,
Sometimes I kick rocks down that far,
Only to hear them never hit bottom,

My friends tell me to calm down,
But I can't really do that,
I don't really know how,
I don't really want to,

Because thinking this fast,
Talking this loud,
And moving this much,

Keeps me from joining her,
Keep me from leaving you here knowing how I feel for a moment,

But then you'd move on, you'd process it,
And you wouldn't understand me again,
Because you get to drop it,
And I can't get it off,

I wouldn't want to anyway,
It made me how I am,
It made me this weird adaptable thing that I am,
When you're born in discomfort it's easy,
You learn from the uncomfortable truths really easy,

Because after 28 years alone, you see yourself in them.

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