Capital M

I don't really believe in capital 'm' Marriage,
I don't know how to say that to your face without it seeming personal,
It's not, it has way more to do with everyone else and with me, than with us,
I haven't met a marriage I trusted or that anyone liked it in the forever way that thing is supposed to be,

I don't want to get married,
I don't want to cause a divorce,
I don't want to figure out who gets what assets,
I don't want a longer, more complicated, way more legal version of heartbreak,

I don't think anyone should jump into that for a paycheck raise,
Or anything stupid and vapid like that,
But it's a lot more serious than most people seem to take it at our age,
Maybe I'm just not right for it,

I don't know where to find the positive in it,

Now that doesn't mean it doesn't work for other people,
But I've seen it flop too many times to even trust it,
There's only one woman I've loved my whole life,
And lets be honest, we both kind of have to love each other,

I was brought into a world and told people were good,
I've seen a lot of ugly on people,
I've got pieces of myself missing that make trusting anyone incredibly difficult,
I've got baggage and trust issues from my childhood and certain people involved in that whole mess,

I inherited my callousness from my father,
I don't think it's the same as his though,
His is too lazy and inconsiderate,
Mine is more frustrated and tired of being hurt repeatedly,
So people don't get to come inside very often,

It's not some lofty thing where I don't think humanity is built that way,
It's not like I wouldn't consider having kids at some point in my life with the right person,
Or adopting,
Or whatever,

I just don't believe anyone can mean it forever,
So why fucking lie to you?
Why make a promise I can't keep?

I don't really know how to tell you without it being personal,
Because it isn't,
You're amazing,
But I don't think that kind of thing is for me.

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