Danger: Words may be larger than they appear.

It's been more than a few years since it all fell apart, A few less since it finally lost integrity, Disintegrated into shouting, And things we probably meant more than we ever should have, I should have let go before that. I still can't let go of the armor I made after that, I took the monsters that were waiting outside my confidence, And I let them in, I let them in and I made things out of them, Things that made me feel comfortable when I was weak, Now, I'm strong again, And they're choking me, Keeping me from enjoying myself, Helping me to ruin very good things. So here I stand again, with the armor that is now too small for me, It keeps me from growing, I want to blame all those years ago, The things we said and meant, Even the things we didn't mean, But there's only me, I haven't cleaned up the mess I built inside of me, The lies you told me, Whatever they were, Weren't as big as the lies I told myself, I want out of this, That's what...

We don't know what were doing, I don't know what to say to convince you, That all of this is more real than anything I've felt in a long time, Again, You're hesitant and at the same time holding yourself back, I can feel it with that 6 inches of space between us, While we watch movies in my empty house together, Just enough room for Jesus, You laugh at my sausage fingers, I grin at the way you eat, We've got all of this still here, And somehow we're fooling ourselves that it isn't perfect, Forcing ourselves into different time zones, So that things like hugs and brushes against one another, Don't trigger some sort of fusion reaction, It isn't perfect, But you, You rattle me, You rattle my cage and it makes me smile, You rattle the sorrow out of the worst things, You make me smile at things, Things that would normally push me into frustration, You make imperfection so fucking wonderful, I don't know where else to find thi...

The morning is the only honest time of day, I don't mean when you wake up, I mean when I invariably pack it in for sleeping, There is nothing more honest than 2 am, How alone you are, And how at the same time you don't need anything else, Except your desk, and that glass of whatever you're drinking tonight, There is nothing more comforting, Than a walk in your neighborhood at 2 am, Wherein you probably carry a weapon, For personal security, And so you don't become a headline, 3 am is the perfect girlfriend, She never leaves you except for when it is time, She always returns, right there when you need her, And she always takes you away from the other girls, There is nothing more honest than an evening stuck at home, The kind of night that turns into so many others, Where you lose track of yourself, And finally remember to rest.

She says to me, The last few weeks have been hard, Don't I know it, For her it's all schoolwork and futures, For me, it's all work and futures, The truth is it's mostly the same between us, The doubts get too loud, The confidence gets turned down against the mountain in front of us, We're both staring at it like it all has to happen now, So I smile to myself, And I tell her, You've got it, You've always got it, You just forget sometimes, I tell her this so easily, I tell it to her, I tell her this because I can't tell myself, When my hands shake, My heart rumbles like a loading dock, With a truck coming in, When I'm on stage, And my legs won't, Stop, Trembling, Yet somehow none of you ever see it, So I'm just gonna stand here, Looking like I'm okay, Polishing my shield, Sharpening my pen, And quietly telling myself, You've got this, You've always got it, You just forget sometimes.

Where my Brain Goes at the End of the Day At first there was space and time, And then there was Einstein, Now, he theorized Spacetime, You’re not even ready for this, It’s scientific bliss, And religions, they’re gonna be pissed, Spacetime works a little bit like a loaf of bread, Picture one in your head, Now cut a slice, Any way you want it, Forget it, I can’t explain this like this, So instead my crazy mixed up romantic brain gives it a twist, Pretend there’s me, riding on my bike at a really fast speed, And then there’s you, future lover, In your car, or spaceship, or riding your dinosaur, We’re going very fast in our respective transports, In opposite directions, Therefore your watch is going a bit slower than mine, Mine is faster than yours, What does this really amount to in layman’s terms? Simple, we haven’t met, yet Or already did, Or Schrodinger’s cat is shifting between our houses, But the point here is, some day, You and I will be going the sam...

Me and my stupid fucking words, I brag about how I understand them, But somehow I manage to fuck them up whenever I really need them, I don't write enough, I talk too damn much, And I don't really DO anything, Every time I've wanted them to come out right, They fall flat, And every time I'm using them for someone else's benefit they work, Which explains my selfless nature to me, Only lately its a lot less about everyone else, Because I'm fucking tired of me, The skin I'm in is itchy for change, inside and out But I'm too fucking exhausted to deal with working on myself, Fuck Home Depot.

Some days I wake up as the chalk outline of the man I was yesterday, The kind of days where you get phone calls that the father that abandoned you is moving home, And he thinks everything is okay between you two because you picked up the phone the last one of five times he's called, Those were spread across 2 years, The kind of day where every mistake you've ever made with women feels heavier than normal, The kind of day where I notice, The walls I used to keep in my head, The ones that protected my heart from the thoughts up there I didn't like, Have suddenly switch-a-roo'd their way to my heart, They're holding in my fears in a place where I can feel them, They make me want to run, From myself, The kind of day that makes you itch for the rain, As if it were some kind of absolution, So I start at a run, Down the street, Across the city, And on into the unknown because it sounds nicer than being here, Stuck in my head with walls a...